FROM THE DIARY OF MY FRIEND

[January 01, 2016] [9:00 PM]

We were close to each other; closer than ever. Her eyes, closed down, were the proof that she made her heart win over her brain. I too clenched my eyes and touched her forehead with mine. I felt her warm breath over my lips. Those breaths of her were mine. Our tight hug told each other that our hearts were pounding. Her clutch became much firm and nails of her tried to pierce through my denim shirt, which she gifted me yesterday; my New Year’s gift. I opened my eyes and looked at her red rosy lips, perfectly wedged and beautifully carved by the God. My lower lip shivered, slowly pulled itself closer to her and I drifted my head to push my lips over her upper lip. She didn’t respond. Maybe she was still fighting inside, deciding between the yes and no. Her steadiness shaped my thoughts- ‘she is still confused’, and I, somehow, started to withdraw myself. But, as soon as the lip touch loosened from my side, her lips opened and arrested my mouth. It was a yes! A yes! Love won over caste! Finally, it did! We held it each firmly. I was holding her back and she held my throat from back playing with my hairs as we kissed. Our lips interlocked themselves, fought a cute battle with tongues as swords, we started to breathe heavily, she’d fired up my loins and the best part- all this was not a fantasy. And the worst part is- We are still not in a relationship.

[December 31, 2015] [10:30 PM]

After my other friends left, she and me decided to do the dishes together. None of those friends waited for the clock to strike the midnight twelve. Everyone had their other plans. I guess they just came to my place so as to save their dinner money so that they can afford the costly beer and wine for themselves.

Well, ‘FRIENDS’!

However, she somehow managed to convince her parents that she’ll be late at home from this New Year’s party and we engaged ourselves in domestic work affair of washing dishes. I rubbed the oily plates with the Scotch Bright and she rinsed them with water. A perfect team couple at work. “Do you see? There is another benefit of making me your husband, I’ll be aiding you in your domestic jobs,” I pointed. “We decided not to talk about marriage and relationship!” she complained. “C’mon, I was just joking,” lied the sorry me.

With the dishes done, we sat on the couch and planned to watch the New Year celebration of film stars in the television. Half an hour later, the countdown started 10, 9, 8….. 3, 2, 1…

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

She was the first to wish me and I replied- ‘Same to you!’ She walked to the table, unzipped her bag, took out a poly-bag, handed to me and said, ‘Here’s your New Year gift!’ I unwrapped it impatiently and found that the gift was a deep blue denim shirt! I awed myself and hugged her tight. Then it was my turn and I gifted a box filled with chocolate delights. That made her eyes go gleam. She opened the box and tore the cover of a chocolate wafers’ packet and started to eat it and allowed me to take some; I knew asking for more will be resulting the snatch away of these which I have in my hand.

I had a wonderful New Year’s night.

[December 13, 2015] [8:30 PM]

My phone vibrated and I looked at it, it was her phone call. She must have arrived. I received the call and she stated that she was waiting in parking area. I sprinted out of the banquet hall and craned my neck to look where she was and then, there she stood waiting for me. She was wearing light red suit & salwar, her lips gleamed as her lip gloss shined too perfectly, she didn’t seem to have much of makeup but she seemed to put foundation on her face, her eyes were lined by her deep black eye liner, so clean and so perfect and she’d straightened her hairs for the first time.

I advanced towards her. In my sight, only she was there and rest all was blurred. As I moved nearer to her I realized that she seemed taller, maybe the because of heels. Finally, I came close enough that she glanced her eyes upon me and waved a ‘HI’.

I responded by waving my palm up and crafting my widest smile. I was so happy that she arrived here. So happy! Sometimes, looking at someone whom you love with all your heart and nerve can make your heart filled with the joy and eyes with the tears.

“Hey,” I said happily, standing in front of her.

“Hello.”

“Had any trouble in locating the venue?”

“No, I had GPS. Am I late? Did your parents cut the cake?”

“No, but it’s time, let’s get into the hall, I can’t miss my parents’ 25^th anniversary cake cutting.”

We came inside the hall where everyone gathered around the center table for the cake. It was a chocolate cake, black forest. Her favorite! As they cut the cake, I stood by her side, clapping. I saw her staring at the cake; she was lost. “Listen,” said me interrupting her daydreaming, “We will throw a party like this on our 25^th anniversary.” She narrowed her eyes and sighted at me through her nose. “What anniversary? How many times do I need to tell you that we are not going to marry? We are not even getting into any relationship except this friendship! Do you understand that?” she raged. “I was just talking! I didn’t mean it,” said me realizing the truth that I am not her match. “Alright! We no longer talk about this!” she frowned. “OK! I won’t! I apologize!” I replied at once, I didn’t want her getting mad. I don’t understand why she gets too hyper when I talk about me and her. It’s cool if she doesn’t want any relationship but why she loses her control? Maybe on outside she avoids me but from inside she loves me too! Nah! That’s lame. Party ended with dance and dinner. I walked with her to the parking and she left the venue with a sweet ‘goodbye’ and ‘good night.’

[December 02, 2015] [2:50 PM]

As we sat in the movie theatre I realized that instead of the screen I was much interested in looking and watching her face. So beautiful she is! I awed myself for every moment she laughed; she was enjoying the movie. She was so lost in the story, dictated in the movie, whereas I was lost in the stories of her expressions which her face dictated in those hours. I saw her seriousness, her charm, her excitement; one by one I saw so many sides of her. She knew I was staring at her with my cheek on my palm, yet she didn’t responded, maybe she loved it and didn’t want me to stop or get interrupted. She looked so cute, just like a small child watching her favorite cartoon. I wasn’t able to control my emotions and don’t know why tears filled my eyes. Maybe it was the thought that my awful life was made into bliss by her love and friendship. If she wouldn’t have been there in my life then I’d still be in depression and maybe I’d killed myself emotionally. It’s because of her I believe in friendship and love. She is not my girlfriend, but she is better than that. She is my soul mate. And suddenly she turned her head towards me and spoke, “What? Anything wrong?” I shook my head with a smile, a fake smile off course, and said, “NO!”

“Tell me, what the matter is?” she insisted politely.

“No, its nothing!”

“Speak up please. Don’t hide your feelings from me.” She requested.

“It’s just that, I can’t thank you enough for what you did for me.” I sobbed.

And then I raised my both hands and covered her with a side hug. “Please don’t ever leave,” I pleaded. She kept her palm over my cheek and said, “Never dear. Never!”

[November 16, 2015]

“It has been like four months since we became friends,” I pointed as we sat on the bench, in the college garden. “Yes we have been. Time flows like a river in haste,” she replied in her soothing tone. “I guess we must take a step and move it further,” I risked putting this. I was getting attached to her insanely. The graph of attachment and time followed the increasing exponential nature. “Move further what?” she replied; no soothing tone this time. I started, “Listen, after Swastika rejected me I was in a total mess. Things were falling apart. I didn’t expect me to recover in anyway. But then you came, you made me realize my beauty, you made me feel my worth and it was all you that I am happy and contended. I don’t know how my life would have got designed without you? All these months you made my vulnerable. So, I… feel… I don’t know how to put this? I’ll put this straight; I am in love with you and I…” She didn’t let me finish and she stated, “Listen honey, yes we are together and it’s so wonderful that I have you as a buddy and you are simply so special to me that I consider you as my best person of this life. But, let’s not push anything to anywhere else. Everything is going so good, between us, please don’t complicate the things.”

“But why?” I asked impatiently.

“Because, we have no future! We both belong to other caste and it makes us our future impractical. Please, no more discussion of this. Cut it out.”

-FROM THE DIARY OF MY FRIEND.